Never

A quick poem to fit the mood:

Bitterness creeps up
Ants crawling up my arm
Small enough to not notice
When I do I squirm
And flick it away
Bitterness can’t be
Flicked
Apathy ligers
Stagnant warm air
Stuffy souls
Suffocate
Encased death grip
Tight, colorless
Transparent to white
White to _
Gasping, not breathing
(Never) give up
Connecting the stars in the sky
The cloud covers
I can’t see them anymore
The smoke encircles my head
As I breathe it into my lungs
And cough out what hurts
Into the next
Morning
Pushing away these demons
Heavy eyelids hang low
Pain doesn’t stop
Thumping at my
Temples
Pounding a hammer into
My skull
Let us in, Let us in
I will never let you inl
They will never give up
Neither will I
I will carve those stars into my wrist
To remind me never to
Give up
Never break the perfect lines of the stars
I will not connect them anymore
Bitterness is still creeping
This time I will be ready
With a silvery blade
The blood runs thick in my veins
Warm and strong (don’t give up)
My back will never be turned on what I don’t
Trust
Trust (Trust?)
Tap. Tap. Tap on the door
Hovering spirits whisper
Above my head
Their words bleed together
Into a jolt as I step (unknowingly) off the curb
And blindly swing a punch
Hitting
Something
Hitting
Nothing
The tears pour from the sky
Never (give up)
Never.

"I wanna be as free as the spirits as those who left"

Well damn regristration. And damn me having no car. And no life. Damnit all.

I am in a wonderful mood if that's not already obvious. Despite those things, I am having a good day. I just got back from a huge feast at Texas Roadhouse with Ash, Lo, Katie and my grandparents. So that was a good time, just a little time consuming.

I only had one class, so after Lauren and I went and watched a bit of the baseball game before we feasted. I don't know what news I haven't said on here, so if I repeat myself then that will be too bad.

We are almost proud renters of a new house just a little ways down the road. 215 Prospect here we come! It worked out for the better so now we can have a bigger house for only a few bucks more a month, and we can all stay together! Hurrah! It's really nice, and just a little farther from campus, but I'm pretty stoked about it. The moving out of here and into there with all of the things going on in the two houses will be a little hectic once it all starts, but we'll figure it out. So that's my exciting news. I am so full I can barely breathe. Ouch.

Once again I am procrastinating, but I just have a baby paper to type and I might go to Starbucks with my little Kristin buddy. I hope so, it's been a while since I've been able to talk to her for longer than 15 mins. People with jobs are just such busy bodies.

Tomorrow my big plan is to ride to Horsetooth, so we'll see if I die or not. I might need help walking afterwards. I don't know, it sounds intense. And I'm all about the intensity. All about it.
Speaking of intensity, I think I am in the mood to post a poem. So if you're not all about the intensity, then get out now while you still can.
Otherwise...

The crisp air sucks my breath away
Just as it sucks the life out of my surroundings
The once muddied ground is frozen solid
And I listen to the scuff scuff scuff of my shoes
My legs feel heavy, yet there are beginning to become numb
The bitter wind slices through my hair
Sinking into my pores chilling me right to
The bone
The bones that moved me, stand me upright
So I am not just a puddle on the ground
But then again, that doesn't sounds so bad
I want to melt into the ground
Melt away the ice cicles covering my eyes
Melt away the frost blurring my vision
Melt away this wall built around my heart
As I sink into nothingingness
Will I disapiate into the atmosphere?
Or will I thaw into life?
I continue to listen to the scuff scuff scuff of my shoes
As I shove my hands deeper into my pocket
As I shove my heart deeper into my chest
My mind is thawed, but now it too is
Melting
Sinking away into this strange, darkened abyss
There is still neon there, though
That interrupt the darkness
Reaching for the neon it is too fast to catch
I am sluggish, swimming through
The ebony of my head
Suddenly the neon lasts long enough for me to catch
And at the same time the sun breaks through the clouds
The bitterness backs off, slys away just a bit
And maybe I can thaw into life
As I continue to listen to the scuff scuff scuff of my shoes.

As I wrote that I realized how terrible it sounds. My apoligies, but deleating it now would have made me waste those precious minutes of my life. And I can't waste anytime in this life.
Sorry, I tried. Ok let's try one more time. I have a few more but I want to see how this one sounds.

I have these grapes
Some are bigger than others, but
I love them all
I keep them in a jar, I
Want to perserve them
Yet I think they are
Vanishing
In time. Or maybe someone is
Stealing them
I'm not quite sure.
Blindly batting away the
Theif
Yet I swing at thin air
I am fading without my
Grapes
Can I have them for myself?
Or should I share them?
They are so
Refreshing
Until they begin to
Disapiate.
As I begin to
Disapiate.
What is the irony of not having me
Gathering this piece of myself
Collorbating with this other chunk of
ME
Handfuls of memories bounce back and forth
As I try to capture them
I want them perserved in this jar
But the perservation is not working, I think it's too
Dark.
Are they vanishing in time?
Or is someone stealing them?
The lid doesn't screw on very tight
What will happen to these memories?
They float around aimlessley
I need to consolidate with that other slice of
ME
You see I have these grapes
Some are bigger than others, but
I love them all.

Well that's all I can attempt for today. I will try again some other day.
Coffee time with KC, hasta!

Do you have CAPTIAN in you? 

Me and my sketter head before the Guster concert 

Jen, Clyde and I 

Jenn and I 

The girls at the concert 

Guster jamming out! 

Jamming 

"Jesus" acustics at the end of the sweet concert 

Jenn and I upon our arrival at the dance party 

Goofs at the dance party 

Andy and Chip look good and I just look freakin scary 

The gansta hippie and the hooded creeper 

Jenn and Hannah breaking it down 

Me being a creeper, and Andlers 

My hooded brother and I 

Max and I  

Head for the cellar

Hello hello. It's been quite a while since I've had time to actually write anything in here. I've been crazy busy, but life's been good, no complaining here.

Today I went and watched my brothers' swim meet and then went to the rec for a bit, and out to eat with my parents, and now I am procrastinating from writing my paper. Tonight is the Guster concert, and I'm super excited. My brother is coming with our friend and we should have a good time.

This week was really nice, so we totally took advantage of it and tried to get outside every minute we could. Here was the schedule:

Monday- Running to Matt's (4ish miles), watched the boy's flag football game
Tuesday-Frisbee on campus, later line dancing at Sundance
Wednesday-Lifting at the rec (after fried chicky...oops)
Thursday-Hike Horsetooth for a bit
Friday-Tennis
Sat-Lifting and running

So much more fun than swimming everyday.
And to make it even better (or worse depending on how you look at it) I had fried chicky two nights in a row, and my uncle bought us all dinner one night at Washington's which was delicious. Not to mention pretty awesome in there. It's gonna be a good place to go once we're all legal.

Oh, also I went to the library THREE times last week. Not to say I got a whole lot done any of the times I went. But hey, at least I was trying. More than I can say for myself now. Well that waas kind of a lie, I wasn't really trying any of the times. We did think of a brilliant plan though once we figure out library security; we want to have a camp out in there one night. Ha, can you imagine, 4 guys and 3 girls camping out in the library on a random night. That would be pretty funny if we could get away with it. Very doubtful but a girl can dream. It was tricky to try the other night after a few brews, but I did do some homework that I turned in, so we'll see what the teacher thinks of it.

Well as I said I have a paper due Monday and a midterm. And our landlord is coming tomorrow to discuss our living terms. Turns out we might be moving because of the damn three unrelated law. Damn law, it inconvienences everyone. So we'll see what happens with that. Then I have a glorious study session tomorrow night. It's probably about time I start doing things that have to do with school.

Oh and I broke my leg jumping off the roof.

.................

APRIL FOOLS! HA! I am such a trickster. I really hope I don't ever try to jump off the roof. I also hope I never break my leg. Knock on wood.

Anyway I was going to write a list of events that have happened this week, but I have pretty much already said most of it. So...a few picts from this week below and besides that happy April First. And happy spring finally!

Cheers.

P.S. I have had dreams the last two nights in a row about tea cup poodles attacking me. I hope it's not a sign or something. All I know is I hate those dogs more than I did before. That is all.

My buds and I at Horsetooth