Sunday, January 18, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
In with the new
2009. What? I was just getting ready for the turn of the millennium and now it's almost a decade later. I am starting to feel old.
Which actually isn't that far off the theme for this week: my birthday! Where I will surely be turning another year old and most definitely another year wiser (not an arguable point). Looking back to one year ago I cannot believe how fast it has gone, yet I cannot believe everything that has happened in just 12 months. If you would have told me I would be where I am today one year ago I would have eyed you skeptically and then thought you were weird for coming up and telling me my future. And don't even get me started on what I would have done when it came true! You freak.
So yes, here I am on the other side of the world trying to make sense of it all. And failing miserably. I am sitting in my small apartment with nothing but the sound of the keyboard rattling away, and I wonder, what the hell did I get myself into this time? Initially I thought it was way more than I could swallow. But when you take smaller bites it all goes down nice and smooth. So that's what I have been doing and it's gotten me this far. I'm still alive! What a miracle.
My brain activity has not just slowed down lately, it has come to a ugly and unpleasant stop. It's kinda just slowed down and then crashed and burned into a pile of old Japanese trash (the burnable trash--it's not recyclable matter anyhow). So with a new year comes new goals and yadda yadda yadda. But digging deeper has never really been on the menu for the year's feast, but somehow I find myself parched of something thick. So it looks like I know what to order. Now, how to create it is another matter altogether. Too bad I don't have my own personal cook. I can't even think about that because then I get all excited and for what? Nothing. Because at the end of the day it's me, my skillet and some cold salmon. Quite literally. And in other words, me, my thoughts, my observations and the missing glue that is supposed to link them together. In some mysterious way.
Well here I go again, making no sense, not even to myself. I guess what I am trying to say that instead of venturing across the globe to find the answers I have ventured and found nothing but mountains of questions. Mountains I tell you! And no answers for miles. I am really on a roll with these metaphors tonight. Although, ideally you would want them to make sense...I'll work on that.
Well it's January folks and it is cold. Which is not something new for January, unless of course you are from somewhere like Australia and then it is usually 30 Celsius and you are going to the beach...But yes, cold. So I am used the the cold. Being a Colorado native I actually thrive in the cold. I enjoy skiing, I am warm blooded--ok I know--HOT blooded. I get hella hot fast. Ask anyone! They will agree. So even though I am from a cold place, I don't LIVE in a cold place. We turn the heat on, we wear jackets, we drink hot cocoa, we enjoy the warmth of warm. So that is why I realized I am not cut out for cold. The Japanese haven't quite figured out insulation in housing, so if you aren't closing off rooms and blasting the heat (which isn't really true heat), then it is as cold in your apartment as it is outside. Needless to say when I venture to any other part of my apartment I put on my gloves, another jacket, pull my sarf tighter and put on my headband. It's not really a comfortable living situation. I can't really say this is complaining though, it's just how it is I guess. The complaining will come when it's hot, that I can guarentee. You will never hear the end of it. Because there is always a way to get warm (well, usually) but when you are hot and you want to cool down...good freaking luck.
Anyway, it's cold and I don't like it. Besides the miserable cold, the teaching is just about the same. Friends on the other hand are wonderful as always and I am looking forward to future adventures with them. Looking way ahead I am beyond excited for this summer. And looking back I had an amazing time in Thailand and my adventures thoughout Japan. A truly beautiful experience.
Well it's late so I am going to hit the futon. Next time I write I will be 23! Ah!
And I hope I make more sense when I am 23.
Goodnight.
Which actually isn't that far off the theme for this week: my birthday! Where I will surely be turning another year old and most definitely another year wiser (not an arguable point). Looking back to one year ago I cannot believe how fast it has gone, yet I cannot believe everything that has happened in just 12 months. If you would have told me I would be where I am today one year ago I would have eyed you skeptically and then thought you were weird for coming up and telling me my future. And don't even get me started on what I would have done when it came true! You freak.
So yes, here I am on the other side of the world trying to make sense of it all. And failing miserably. I am sitting in my small apartment with nothing but the sound of the keyboard rattling away, and I wonder, what the hell did I get myself into this time? Initially I thought it was way more than I could swallow. But when you take smaller bites it all goes down nice and smooth. So that's what I have been doing and it's gotten me this far. I'm still alive! What a miracle.
My brain activity has not just slowed down lately, it has come to a ugly and unpleasant stop. It's kinda just slowed down and then crashed and burned into a pile of old Japanese trash (the burnable trash--it's not recyclable matter anyhow). So with a new year comes new goals and yadda yadda yadda. But digging deeper has never really been on the menu for the year's feast, but somehow I find myself parched of something thick. So it looks like I know what to order. Now, how to create it is another matter altogether. Too bad I don't have my own personal cook. I can't even think about that because then I get all excited and for what? Nothing. Because at the end of the day it's me, my skillet and some cold salmon. Quite literally. And in other words, me, my thoughts, my observations and the missing glue that is supposed to link them together. In some mysterious way.
Well here I go again, making no sense, not even to myself. I guess what I am trying to say that instead of venturing across the globe to find the answers I have ventured and found nothing but mountains of questions. Mountains I tell you! And no answers for miles. I am really on a roll with these metaphors tonight. Although, ideally you would want them to make sense...I'll work on that.
Well it's January folks and it is cold. Which is not something new for January, unless of course you are from somewhere like Australia and then it is usually 30 Celsius and you are going to the beach...But yes, cold. So I am used the the cold. Being a Colorado native I actually thrive in the cold. I enjoy skiing, I am warm blooded--ok I know--HOT blooded. I get hella hot fast. Ask anyone! They will agree. So even though I am from a cold place, I don't LIVE in a cold place. We turn the heat on, we wear jackets, we drink hot cocoa, we enjoy the warmth of warm. So that is why I realized I am not cut out for cold. The Japanese haven't quite figured out insulation in housing, so if you aren't closing off rooms and blasting the heat (which isn't really true heat), then it is as cold in your apartment as it is outside. Needless to say when I venture to any other part of my apartment I put on my gloves, another jacket, pull my sarf tighter and put on my headband. It's not really a comfortable living situation. I can't really say this is complaining though, it's just how it is I guess. The complaining will come when it's hot, that I can guarentee. You will never hear the end of it. Because there is always a way to get warm (well, usually) but when you are hot and you want to cool down...good freaking luck.
Anyway, it's cold and I don't like it. Besides the miserable cold, the teaching is just about the same. Friends on the other hand are wonderful as always and I am looking forward to future adventures with them. Looking way ahead I am beyond excited for this summer. And looking back I had an amazing time in Thailand and my adventures thoughout Japan. A truly beautiful experience.
Well it's late so I am going to hit the futon. Next time I write I will be 23! Ah!
And I hope I make more sense when I am 23.
Goodnight.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Saynora '08!
Well it has been a while, but that doesn't mean I don't still think about you, old blog. I have been seeing a newer blog, and even though I don't write, I still like you better than the new blog. It is just surface level, we never discuss my feelings. I can do that with you. Please forgive me! I promise I will come back to you and only you in short time!
Ok, yes, it has been a while. But I have been doing a lot around these parts of the world like saving babies and giving money to the poor. That's just during the day. At night I am drinking, smoking and popping pills. No one will ever know my duel identities! Muahaha.
Although that is obviously not true, the truth doesn't fall far from the exaggeration. I teach kids English at day and at night I reek havoc through the city with my friends. Which may or may not include crawling around train stations and taking naps in public places. Don't worry, my new year's resolutions should clear up any issues I may or may not have and I should be on the road to recovery in no time!
Looking back on this year has made me somewhat reflective, although mostly in awe. In awe of the power of time is mostly what it is. I have done a lot of reflecting these past few months, more than I ever have and I have failed to come to any sound conclusions about the awesome confusion life brings to us. It's been quite a ride 2008 and I shall never forget you. I did have a list of things I have done in this grand year including graduating college and moving to Japan...but snore! Boring! So I thought that writing and answering a little questionnaire for myself would provide for more insight and excitement into the my wild and crazy thoughts (remember the show, "Wild and Crazy Kids?" What a classic).
So here goes:
1. What was the most exciting thing you did this year?
Overall moving to Japan and immersing myself in a new and foreign culture. In particular I would say it hasn't happened yet. But next stop: Thailand. ONE DAY. So I think that will be pretty damn exciting.
2. Look back exactly one year ago. What were you doing this week 2007?
Humm, good question! I was probably recovering from getting dropped on my face. I was nursing that black eye and puffy lip.
3. What are 3 important realizations you have come to in the last year?
1. We won't be young forever, so live it up while you can
2. No matter where your friends are and whether they come visit you or not or whether they write to you once a week or once a month does not matter. Your friends are your friends. Period.
3. It's a big world out there and I have not seen any of it. Time to explore.
4. What are some small accomplishments you have experienced this year?
Small? Probably getting used to sleeping on a futon on the ground and doing laundry with no dryer. Maybe doing the dishes with no washer. Relying on my bike, public transport and my friends to get everywhere. Dealing with the weather and all of the lovely things that come with it like BUGS, mold, mildew smelling clothes.
5. What has been something that you have struggled with this year?
The dreaded question of what will I do with my life? As well as the struggles of teaching, coaching, post college depression, culture shock and growing up. Mostly the "next stage" of life issues.
6. What are 3 things you regret from 2008?
1. Being lazy
2. Losing touch with people
3. Not saying thank you enough to the people who truly deserve it
7. What are 3 things you are proud of from 2008?
1. Well the obvious of graduating and moving to a different country
2. Living by myself
3. Dealing with the "little things" that are always a constant battle here. In a nutshell, flexibility.
8. What is one major resolution for next year?
BE MORE DO MORE. I need to explore this country more, I need to explore myself more, I need to push myself farther than I feel comfortable doing. I need to really just go and not look back!
Ok, that was better than whatever else I was going to do. I'm sure I could go on for a while, but those are the main questions that have been circling around my head just waiting to be written down. So goodbye 2008, you were a great year! Hello 2009, I hope you prove to be just as good if not better. I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to look forward to, and I am very fortunate to live the life that I do.
I will be welcoming the new year having freshly returned to Japan from Thailand and I am excited to welcome it in a different country. Yet another story for the grand kids.
Wishing all out there a happy holiday season and a great new year! Saynora 2008, Konnchiwa 2009!
Ok, yes, it has been a while. But I have been doing a lot around these parts of the world like saving babies and giving money to the poor. That's just during the day. At night I am drinking, smoking and popping pills. No one will ever know my duel identities! Muahaha.
Although that is obviously not true, the truth doesn't fall far from the exaggeration. I teach kids English at day and at night I reek havoc through the city with my friends. Which may or may not include crawling around train stations and taking naps in public places. Don't worry, my new year's resolutions should clear up any issues I may or may not have and I should be on the road to recovery in no time!
Looking back on this year has made me somewhat reflective, although mostly in awe. In awe of the power of time is mostly what it is. I have done a lot of reflecting these past few months, more than I ever have and I have failed to come to any sound conclusions about the awesome confusion life brings to us. It's been quite a ride 2008 and I shall never forget you. I did have a list of things I have done in this grand year including graduating college and moving to Japan...but snore! Boring! So I thought that writing and answering a little questionnaire for myself would provide for more insight and excitement into the my wild and crazy thoughts (remember the show, "Wild and Crazy Kids?" What a classic).
So here goes:
1. What was the most exciting thing you did this year?
Overall moving to Japan and immersing myself in a new and foreign culture. In particular I would say it hasn't happened yet. But next stop: Thailand. ONE DAY. So I think that will be pretty damn exciting.
2. Look back exactly one year ago. What were you doing this week 2007?
Humm, good question! I was probably recovering from getting dropped on my face. I was nursing that black eye and puffy lip.
3. What are 3 important realizations you have come to in the last year?
1. We won't be young forever, so live it up while you can
2. No matter where your friends are and whether they come visit you or not or whether they write to you once a week or once a month does not matter. Your friends are your friends. Period.
3. It's a big world out there and I have not seen any of it. Time to explore.
4. What are some small accomplishments you have experienced this year?
Small? Probably getting used to sleeping on a futon on the ground and doing laundry with no dryer. Maybe doing the dishes with no washer. Relying on my bike, public transport and my friends to get everywhere. Dealing with the weather and all of the lovely things that come with it like BUGS, mold, mildew smelling clothes.
5. What has been something that you have struggled with this year?
The dreaded question of what will I do with my life? As well as the struggles of teaching, coaching, post college depression, culture shock and growing up. Mostly the "next stage" of life issues.
6. What are 3 things you regret from 2008?
1. Being lazy
2. Losing touch with people
3. Not saying thank you enough to the people who truly deserve it
7. What are 3 things you are proud of from 2008?
1. Well the obvious of graduating and moving to a different country
2. Living by myself
3. Dealing with the "little things" that are always a constant battle here. In a nutshell, flexibility.
8. What is one major resolution for next year?
BE MORE DO MORE. I need to explore this country more, I need to explore myself more, I need to push myself farther than I feel comfortable doing. I need to really just go and not look back!
Ok, that was better than whatever else I was going to do. I'm sure I could go on for a while, but those are the main questions that have been circling around my head just waiting to be written down. So goodbye 2008, you were a great year! Hello 2009, I hope you prove to be just as good if not better. I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to look forward to, and I am very fortunate to live the life that I do.
I will be welcoming the new year having freshly returned to Japan from Thailand and I am excited to welcome it in a different country. Yet another story for the grand kids.
Wishing all out there a happy holiday season and a great new year! Saynora 2008, Konnchiwa 2009!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
MIss them :(
This was the last sightings of my fam. It's been oh so long. Grant was MIA that day but I miss him too.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Thursday, November 06, 2008
The Grey
So here's the thing. I should most definately be in bed right now. Especially considering I have to teach a poopton (I am trying to sensor, you know, for the kids) of classes tomorrow about Presidents and gestures. I like how I make things relevant to one another in my lessons? I guess it could work, presidents use gestures. They are people too ok?! Geeze.
Going back to the thing, I should be sleeping. But I can't sleep on account of the fact that I am still full from dinner. My friend and I have been having a "Firefly" (the TV show, you've never seen it because it's on Scifi, and it was cancelled, great show though) marathon this whole week and we have been cooking ourselves glorious feasts every night to accompany these lovely viewings. So much for thinking I could lose weight in Japan. Ha. Hahaha. I laugh at the thought now.
So as dorky as that sounds, it is! I have also been reading and writing and trying to study Japanese. All I need to start doing is watching animae and I am a certified dork! Not that there is anything wrong with that, I respect dorks of all kinds. They really add a lot to this world. Oh! And I turned down an invitation to go out and celebrate our new president's victory last night. My reason was laziness. So I stayed home and took a bath. I am really living the life here, obviously.
Aside from my crazy life of scifi show watching, story writing and bruning the midnight oil blogging, I have been working hard at trying to spend a good amount of hours on skype and facebook. Now if that doesn't sound exciting than you have lived a life I can hardly imagine. Besides studying always being "something to do", there is not much else I absolutely HAVE to get done (minus paying bills), so I am pretty much basking in that. No, I am radiating in that. If that is possible. Although there are times, more frequent as of late, that I feel like an utter shithead, most other times I am taking full advantage of it. Today I spent some time thinking about how I am going to be running around like a chicken with their head cut of when I get a real job and I got a bit nervous. I have had a bit of anxiety for no reason, so maybe that is why. For my job I will eventually have. In a year. Wow, that's when you know you've really gone looney. So there is radiating for ya. Take it for what you will.
I really wish I could riverdance. That would be amazing. I would bust it out at every party and every bar and people would chant for me. It would be even cooler than break dancing I think. Break dancing is starting to turn into a fad. I mean, everyone is doing it, so what is the fun in that. I don't think I have ever seen anyone break out into a riverdance at a party. There are probably reasons beyond my knowing for that, but I like to think they have their own parties. Wish I could be with you river folk. Wish I could. I freaking love that music too. Just Irish music in general is the bomb.com. Yeah, I said it. I need some on my ipizzle. I must find a way.
Well let's see...It is November. Remember remember the 5th of November. I shant forget for it was a glorious day. And I wish I was in the streets of America to celebrate. Actually, had I been feeling the same way as I was in Japan than I probably would have taken a bath at home too. No, I take that back, I have never taken a bath at home. So maybe I would have just read my book. Anyway, it was good. Now I hope Mr. O isn't all talk and we can get things up and moving again. Eventually. Besides the new President news, I am excited for this month for various reasons which I will now list:
1. A lot of short weeks
2. Dan comes at the end of the month
That's all I got for now. But because of those short weeks the month should go fast meaning good old Dum Dum himself will be arriving soon. Can't wait to have a visitor, it's gonna be cramped as shit-er I mean, poo...kids. Sorry. But yeah, that will be interesting.
Since I am sounding worse than worse I am going to end this and the torture I am putting myself through as I cringe through this post. This is why I have stopped writing on here, it is just soudning like goolash. I don't even really like goolash. So there.
Fly you fools!
Going back to the thing, I should be sleeping. But I can't sleep on account of the fact that I am still full from dinner. My friend and I have been having a "Firefly" (the TV show, you've never seen it because it's on Scifi, and it was cancelled, great show though) marathon this whole week and we have been cooking ourselves glorious feasts every night to accompany these lovely viewings. So much for thinking I could lose weight in Japan. Ha. Hahaha. I laugh at the thought now.
So as dorky as that sounds, it is! I have also been reading and writing and trying to study Japanese. All I need to start doing is watching animae and I am a certified dork! Not that there is anything wrong with that, I respect dorks of all kinds. They really add a lot to this world. Oh! And I turned down an invitation to go out and celebrate our new president's victory last night. My reason was laziness. So I stayed home and took a bath. I am really living the life here, obviously.
Aside from my crazy life of scifi show watching, story writing and bruning the midnight oil blogging, I have been working hard at trying to spend a good amount of hours on skype and facebook. Now if that doesn't sound exciting than you have lived a life I can hardly imagine. Besides studying always being "something to do", there is not much else I absolutely HAVE to get done (minus paying bills), so I am pretty much basking in that. No, I am radiating in that. If that is possible. Although there are times, more frequent as of late, that I feel like an utter shithead, most other times I am taking full advantage of it. Today I spent some time thinking about how I am going to be running around like a chicken with their head cut of when I get a real job and I got a bit nervous. I have had a bit of anxiety for no reason, so maybe that is why. For my job I will eventually have. In a year. Wow, that's when you know you've really gone looney. So there is radiating for ya. Take it for what you will.
I really wish I could riverdance. That would be amazing. I would bust it out at every party and every bar and people would chant for me. It would be even cooler than break dancing I think. Break dancing is starting to turn into a fad. I mean, everyone is doing it, so what is the fun in that. I don't think I have ever seen anyone break out into a riverdance at a party. There are probably reasons beyond my knowing for that, but I like to think they have their own parties. Wish I could be with you river folk. Wish I could. I freaking love that music too. Just Irish music in general is the bomb.com. Yeah, I said it. I need some on my ipizzle. I must find a way.
Well let's see...It is November. Remember remember the 5th of November. I shant forget for it was a glorious day. And I wish I was in the streets of America to celebrate. Actually, had I been feeling the same way as I was in Japan than I probably would have taken a bath at home too. No, I take that back, I have never taken a bath at home. So maybe I would have just read my book. Anyway, it was good. Now I hope Mr. O isn't all talk and we can get things up and moving again. Eventually. Besides the new President news, I am excited for this month for various reasons which I will now list:
1. A lot of short weeks
2. Dan comes at the end of the month
That's all I got for now. But because of those short weeks the month should go fast meaning good old Dum Dum himself will be arriving soon. Can't wait to have a visitor, it's gonna be cramped as shit-er I mean, poo...kids. Sorry. But yeah, that will be interesting.
Since I am sounding worse than worse I am going to end this and the torture I am putting myself through as I cringe through this post. This is why I have stopped writing on here, it is just soudning like goolash. I don't even really like goolash. So there.
Fly you fools!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
The best toast of all time
I just ate a piece of bread with jam on it. Every bite I took was better than the last one.
Now, I don't know if it is because of this bread or the jelly or the combo, but it was so delicious I couldn't believe I was lucky enough to be eating it. The bread here is also giant, so it lasted me for quite a while. I love when food lasts longer, it is less sad that way when it's gone.
I just thought I would share that. That may have been the best toast of all time. I shall never forget it. Thanks little toast man for selling me real toast. It is hard to find around these parts.
Ahhh, now I am at peace. I am going to go swim.
Jam out.
Now, I don't know if it is because of this bread or the jelly or the combo, but it was so delicious I couldn't believe I was lucky enough to be eating it. The bread here is also giant, so it lasted me for quite a while. I love when food lasts longer, it is less sad that way when it's gone.
I just thought I would share that. That may have been the best toast of all time. I shall never forget it. Thanks little toast man for selling me real toast. It is hard to find around these parts.
Ahhh, now I am at peace. I am going to go swim.
Jam out.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Here I am embracing
I’m eating my nails to keep from doing something.
I am trying not to plan a pathetic lesson that no one is even going to like. Halloween right? Fun right? Probably not for these kids. Damn Japanese students, making me feel worthless.
I am hurting again. It’s just because I am thinking. Sometimes I feel like I do this to myself. Honestly, I wouldn’t be that bad if I just stayed on the surface. But nooo, I have to dig to get at the root of something that has barely begun to grow. And then it just all starts to come out. I wish I could teleport home. Just for a week. Or two. Or maybe until next year. Yeah, I will come back in January, ok Japan? Ok.
It's funny how our emotions always get the best of us. Whether we want them to or not, they will find a way to surface themselves somehow. I am trying to baby them since I know the bad feelings are on their way, just so no one sees any sort of dramatic theatrics. Not that that would happen anyway. At least with me.
So what I have been doing to basically make myself feel shitty is looking at my old blog posts and lots of old writing I have done. Now don’t get me wrong, I think that it is really good to go through your old stuff (not the trash please) and see how you have changed as a person and for me as a writer, but sometimes those nasty little nostalgic feelings become suddenly so overwhelming. I have come to grips with the past staying, well, past, but I still can’t fake the fact that sometimes I just get sad. I’m human, it happens. These past few months have taught me a lot and caused me to finally realize that our experiences all add up to LIFE. I can’t go back to a time where I felt safe because that time is passed and because of that I am not the same. Luckily we grow from experiences. So I guess what I am trying to get at is that no matter how badly you want something that was, it will never be again. So upon realization of this it is good to consider these things:
1. The future
2. But mostly
3. The present
Ok? I’m working on it. I really am. And I am doing a good job. Well, until tonight. Sometimes I just get frustrated when I see other people who shared this past life with me can move on so quickly while I sit here missing. It will always be a mystery. Am I too sensitive when it comes to memories? Can someone be too sensitive with memories?
I am not really doing a good job actually describing how I feel. The words aren’t making their way freely to my fingertips tonight. I don’t know, just some things seem like they were ages ago. Lifetimes ago and I wonder if the people who were there with me feel the same way I do about those times. Is it a bit pathetic to look back and wonder? Should I just keep on going forward? You know, never turn around? I feel like it would make things easier. But I also feel like I would lose a part of myself if I did that. Plus I have a lot of resentment for people who do that. It really urkes me.
I can’t really shake this feeling right now, so I guess I will have to live with it. Better yet, I will embrace it. Just for now.
With that being said, I miss you.
Goodnight.
I am trying not to plan a pathetic lesson that no one is even going to like. Halloween right? Fun right? Probably not for these kids. Damn Japanese students, making me feel worthless.
I am hurting again. It’s just because I am thinking. Sometimes I feel like I do this to myself. Honestly, I wouldn’t be that bad if I just stayed on the surface. But nooo, I have to dig to get at the root of something that has barely begun to grow. And then it just all starts to come out. I wish I could teleport home. Just for a week. Or two. Or maybe until next year. Yeah, I will come back in January, ok Japan? Ok.
It's funny how our emotions always get the best of us. Whether we want them to or not, they will find a way to surface themselves somehow. I am trying to baby them since I know the bad feelings are on their way, just so no one sees any sort of dramatic theatrics. Not that that would happen anyway. At least with me.
So what I have been doing to basically make myself feel shitty is looking at my old blog posts and lots of old writing I have done. Now don’t get me wrong, I think that it is really good to go through your old stuff (not the trash please) and see how you have changed as a person and for me as a writer, but sometimes those nasty little nostalgic feelings become suddenly so overwhelming. I have come to grips with the past staying, well, past, but I still can’t fake the fact that sometimes I just get sad. I’m human, it happens. These past few months have taught me a lot and caused me to finally realize that our experiences all add up to LIFE. I can’t go back to a time where I felt safe because that time is passed and because of that I am not the same. Luckily we grow from experiences. So I guess what I am trying to get at is that no matter how badly you want something that was, it will never be again. So upon realization of this it is good to consider these things:
1. The future
2. But mostly
3. The present
Ok? I’m working on it. I really am. And I am doing a good job. Well, until tonight. Sometimes I just get frustrated when I see other people who shared this past life with me can move on so quickly while I sit here missing. It will always be a mystery. Am I too sensitive when it comes to memories? Can someone be too sensitive with memories?
I am not really doing a good job actually describing how I feel. The words aren’t making their way freely to my fingertips tonight. I don’t know, just some things seem like they were ages ago. Lifetimes ago and I wonder if the people who were there with me feel the same way I do about those times. Is it a bit pathetic to look back and wonder? Should I just keep on going forward? You know, never turn around? I feel like it would make things easier. But I also feel like I would lose a part of myself if I did that. Plus I have a lot of resentment for people who do that. It really urkes me.
I can’t really shake this feeling right now, so I guess I will have to live with it. Better yet, I will embrace it. Just for now.
With that being said, I miss you.
Goodnight.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Living Color
I have found balance between peaceful thought and exhilarating activity. Although this does not come as a shock to me, somewhere along the way I have forgotten what I can achieve through piece of mind. I often forget the power we hold with our thoughts and the strength of our bodies when those thoughts are put to action. This is just the beginning of what I have come to find as a cluster of confusing abstracts that fail to come to a sound conclusion. I guess I will rest assured knowing that there will always be more to know and more to question. Only by knowing this can we begin to push ourselves to the meaning of what we can stand for. If we want. If we don't want then we can live quietly in the bliss of not knowing. Or is it not caring? Whatever it is, content is something that does not necessairly snuggle next to the inconsistancies of violent conscience thought. Maybe after time when dull monotony takes over, but then it is too late to find what you were never looking for anyway.
And then there is something about writing confusion all over the canvas of whatever space it may inhabit and then confusing yourself all over again when you see it in living color.
Working out to look good or working out to feel good?
Driving along the street on a nice day you may see several things that are of no surprise to you. You see people walking their dogs, women walking with their kids, people running, biking and even skateboaring or roller blading. It feels good to see people out exercising, and even better when you do it yourself. But I must ask, do you workout to look good or work out to feel good?
Ah yes, a question parallel with the age old question of do you eat to live or do you live to eat? Working out is something that most people in America seem to try and fit into their schedule. Even if it is not an everday occurance, it is usually an everyday thought. What is the number one New Year's resolution? Lose weight. Get those extra holiday pouds outta here! So why then does it become increasingly harder to find the time to do it? And even when it is fit into our jam packed schedules, why does it soon become an obsession? When the routine is interrupted people tend to feel guilty. By starting off nice and easy we can achieve long term results and hopefully not look as scary as the person pictured above.
Seven out of ten people admitted to working out to look good, but most of them did comment on the fact that they did feel good after they did it. So then the issue becomes actually getting out there and doing it. Once that is done, it becomes easier to do it. But the dreadful time comes when a few days of not working out turn into a few weeks which then turn into a few months. When does the want turn into the need? When do people ever say, "I really want to workout"? Much more often the words 'need' replace want and the task soon becomes a chore. Working out for people who are not extreme athlethes does not usually top their list of things they want to do. It might fall into place next to vaccume the house and go to the gorcery store. So how do we break the monotony? How can working out be something that is looked forward to instead of dreaded? How do we get excited to endure pain? Over time I have found some helpful tips. Since I am now a retired athlete and the days of manadatory pratice are long behind me, I have had to be creative in doing things that I originally loathed. Here is what I have discovered:
1. Variety. Mix it up if you can. One day run, one day go to a dance class, one day bike, one day swim, one day try a new machine, one day go on a walk or run outside instead of the gym. Things like this can really up your motivation.
2. Take it easy. Now I don't mean be a loafer when you are working out, that totally defeats the purpose, but don't go into a workout dreading the task you have made for yourself. Go into it with little expectations, but high hopes. Know that when you start working out your body will be able to kick it to the next level. The endorphines should give you a good mental high and then you are able to gage when and how to push yourself. You will always be more pleased with your outcome the harder you push yourself. The next time you go to workout have the light
expecations to try and do the same thing and you will probably surprise yourself by doing more.
3. Take a break. Don't workout everyday for 3 hours, but don't only go once a week for 1 hour. You need to be consistant but know when it is ok to take a day off. Have a goal in mind of trying to go a certian amount of days so you don`t overwhelm yourself or pack your schedule too tight.
4. Know what is good for you. Ideally the best time to work out is in the morning. Not ideally is the fact that we all love our sleep in the morning. Try different things, know when you feel best to go. It is always better to go for a little bit than to not go at all. The body needs about 30 min a day of some sort of workout that will get your heart thumpin. No need to over-do it, but if you do, know that there will be days where you just don't want to. And that is ok too, just don't make it a habit.
5. Working out goes hand in hand with eating well. There are times when you are going to want to splurge and that is just fine, especailly since you are working out. But you will look better and feel better if you try and stay healthy. Having a snack about an hour before working out is going to help your energy level as well as drinking water a little before, a little during and a little more after is going to feel good. The prime time to get food into your body is about 20 to 30 minutes after your workout. Even if it is just a few crackers or a piece of fruit before dinner, this will do your body good. It will be able to keep your metabolism up and help you avoid binging.
6. Do what you like. There is no point in forcing yourself to run or swim if you really hate it. Do what you like to do. It always helps to bring your favorite music with you to get you motivated and pumped up!
7. Enjoy where you are. Especially if you have a ton to do and you are feeling stressed out working out will help those feelings. Most of the time we feel like we dont have the time, but even 30 mins can be spared in our work-a-day worlds. Make the time and enjoy it while you are there. Don`t think about the work you need to do, let it slip your mind and make the time you are working out YOU time. People watch, think about something you like, enjoy the feeling of your body being healthy.
8. Go alone or bring a friend. If you feel like you workout better when someone is there to push you, then have a friend come along. Or maybe you dont think you will get done what you need to, then go by yourself. Try out both, maybe switch it up, remember, variety is the spice of life!
9. Don't be shy. Don't be shy to find out when the classes you would like are. Don`t be shy to get really sweaty because that is what it is all about. Just know that you are working harder than the slackers who aren`t as sweaty!
10. Live longer. Keeping active will surely make you live a longer, healither life. Even if you already look good and you know that you don`t need to workout to maintain your image, just know that you will be thanking yourself later if you make an effort to fit it into your week. Working out never felt so good and when you begin to see the results you will not want to stop.
Although it can be hard to keep this active lifestyle rolling, just know that you will not regret it in the slightest. Now, I'm by no means an expert in this walk of life--far from it in fact, but I do know that whether you work out to look good or work out to feel good, just know that either one will result in the other and lead to better overall health and happiness! And if nothing else works for motivation just buy a really cute pair of pants that you don't fit into now and know that you will want to fit into them eventually (boys you can do it too!).
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Why I love the rain
Why I love the rain
By: Jessica
I love the rain. I love the sound of it hitting the roof, I love the way it feels, I love the way it smells, I love the loud rumble the thunder makes, I love how it gives you an excuse not to do anything, I love how it provides a break from the sun, I love how it gives life, I love how it makes puddles to jump in.
There is my first grade explanation of why I love the rain. Written be me now, when I am 22. Very deep isn't it?
I just felt like writing that while it rains outside. I was refreshed and relieved when I left school today as the thunder rumbled (literally, it really did rumble) and the first few drops of rain started to fall. I was glad because that means I don't have to swim right away as I was planning (its not like anyone is making me, but this is a good excuse) and because it's so damn hot. And I am so f-ing sick of this humidity. I hope this is a good storm and lasts all night. Doubt it, but I can dream. And I will, I'm a big dreamer when it comes to getting out of physical activity.
I feel a little discombobulated (yes, it is a word, I know it's out there somewhere) today because of all the damn little things I need to do. But overall I guess I would say my mood is rather gleeful mixed with a little bit of somberness and 100% soberness. Unfortunately. I hope that changes in the near future. By near I mean the weekend.
So I still have two more dreadful days of this week and 3 more dreadful days of this month and 4 more dreadful months of this year. Just kidding, they aren't dreadful, just different. Life post college brings on post college depression and life post college in Japan brings on culture shock mixed with that depression to make for some unwanted feelings. Too bad I can't abort them. That was a little bit of a harsh metaphor, but it certainly got my point across. I feel as though these feelings will eventually fade away and I will be left with feelings that compare to happiness on some sort of level. Actually, I have been happy a lot, in fact today was the first day I woke up and felt pretty happy, so I think we're making head way here! And we can come the realizations that there IS life after college and there IS life to be lived in another country! A good one at that. I just need to fix a few kinks and I will be well on my way. And then I will write a book about the greatness of life post keggers...if that is even possible.
Of course I writing with a hint of sarcasm, as usual, but there is also a hint of truth. It is your turn to figure out which holds more weight!
For some reason I am starving so I am going to eat while I watch the rain. Out with the old, in with the new. Rain's motto I have decided. I think I will make it mine too :)
By: Jessica
I love the rain. I love the sound of it hitting the roof, I love the way it feels, I love the way it smells, I love the loud rumble the thunder makes, I love how it gives you an excuse not to do anything, I love how it provides a break from the sun, I love how it gives life, I love how it makes puddles to jump in.
There is my first grade explanation of why I love the rain. Written be me now, when I am 22. Very deep isn't it?
I just felt like writing that while it rains outside. I was refreshed and relieved when I left school today as the thunder rumbled (literally, it really did rumble) and the first few drops of rain started to fall. I was glad because that means I don't have to swim right away as I was planning (its not like anyone is making me, but this is a good excuse) and because it's so damn hot. And I am so f-ing sick of this humidity. I hope this is a good storm and lasts all night. Doubt it, but I can dream. And I will, I'm a big dreamer when it comes to getting out of physical activity.
I feel a little discombobulated (yes, it is a word, I know it's out there somewhere) today because of all the damn little things I need to do. But overall I guess I would say my mood is rather gleeful mixed with a little bit of somberness and 100% soberness. Unfortunately. I hope that changes in the near future. By near I mean the weekend.
So I still have two more dreadful days of this week and 3 more dreadful days of this month and 4 more dreadful months of this year. Just kidding, they aren't dreadful, just different. Life post college brings on post college depression and life post college in Japan brings on culture shock mixed with that depression to make for some unwanted feelings. Too bad I can't abort them. That was a little bit of a harsh metaphor, but it certainly got my point across. I feel as though these feelings will eventually fade away and I will be left with feelings that compare to happiness on some sort of level. Actually, I have been happy a lot, in fact today was the first day I woke up and felt pretty happy, so I think we're making head way here! And we can come the realizations that there IS life after college and there IS life to be lived in another country! A good one at that. I just need to fix a few kinks and I will be well on my way. And then I will write a book about the greatness of life post keggers...if that is even possible.
Of course I writing with a hint of sarcasm, as usual, but there is also a hint of truth. It is your turn to figure out which holds more weight!
For some reason I am starving so I am going to eat while I watch the rain. Out with the old, in with the new. Rain's motto I have decided. I think I will make it mine too :)
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Japan blog
I don't know why I am posting the same things on here as I am my other blog. From now on that one will be mostly for Japan entries and this will be more just me. I don't know how to get a link on this page to the other one, but when I figure it out I will do it!
Here it is for now http://www.exploringjapan-jdawk.blogspot.com/
Check it out!
Here it is for now http://www.exploringjapan-jdawk.blogspot.com/
Check it out!
Monday, September 01, 2008
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