Dear Past,
Hi! How are you? I don’t know why I ask, you’re good. You’ve always been good.
I wanted to write to you since I exchanged my old life for a new one. I’m not sure they were the same price—they exchange rate is different. I miss my old life but the new one is fitting better now that I’ve washed it. My old one was getting a little frayed around the edges and I’m pretty sure there as a hole in the sleeve. You know—where the seam is? I didn’t want that to rip because then the whole thing would have fallen apart. So I’m happy to say there are no holes in the seams of my shirt. Although there aren’t any in the seam there is one at the collar! I think I am going to sew it. It might take me a while since I’ve never sewed before, but I guess there’s always time to learn. It’s also kind of bland in terms of color so I might buy some jewelry to spice it up or just add some color myself. I’ve always thought it was better to do it yourself instead of paying for it to be done. It will make me happier anyway. I know you feel the same way. It fits fine for now, I think I can make it my own again someday, you know?
As for me, well have the leftover taste of Colorado in my mouth and pants the size of post graduation motivation. The repeat button isn’t jammed anymore, I know you were frustrated with that dang thing, but the comfort of familiarity is scary in ways unknown until it is no longer familiar. I toss and turn, but nothing seems to work and eventually I am too exhausted to fight it. I am soon forced to accept this new definition of comfort. Basically, I am just really jealous of your bed…
My shoes squeeze my tired feet and all I want to do is fall into my half empty coffee mug, letting my feet free, feeling my toes for the first time since I put them in these shoes last month. I am slowly digesting my fear but sometimes the urge to throw it all up becomes too much. At times like that I swallow and swallow hard, making sure to pull yesterday back down with everything else. Summer, with all of its melting memories, clings to me even after I tried to scrub it into last year. These feelings are longer than the days and they range in various degrees but the thermometer is broken so I can’t check the temperature. I would weigh them just to tell you but I can’t even lift them. It makes me wonder if they are too heavy or I am too weak. Either way I know I need to go to the gym so the shock of this new me stays a sight for sore eyes. Or is it a sight for more eyes? It’s hard to tell these days.
I’m not sure you would understand, but I wait around with these stale crumbs of what was. But what was? Was it like a swing set when you’re young? Now that you go on it, when you’re older, and your calloused hands have long since hardened, you try to feel the bars how you felt them then but it’s not the same. It’s not fun. Or is it still fun, it’s just the heavier body hanging from the monkey bars that is not as fun?
Remember the sun? Remember how it feels. Of course you do. I’m forgetting now and I’ve long since lost the taste of laughter. I find that was my favorite flavor, but it’s hard to find when I can’t read the language. I know you liked clarity of a much needed breath, but taking it all in literally takes it ALL in and I am left chocking with empty lungs and a brain full of X,Y, Z. Yeah, exactly.
Did I tell you I went shopping? Yeah, I bought this new product when I got here, but it’s the wrong brand. It definitely looks like a smile, yet when I put it on it’s all wrong. I can tell what it is, but it’s just not the same. I know I left you with my old one, it was impossible to bring. I guess I should have stuck to the brand name, but they haven’t started selling those here yet.
So I’ve been working on this new recipe, you know, since I still have the leftover taste of Colorado in my mouth. This new one has a very bittersweet taste so if you don’t mind I’m stealing your secret ingredient and adding some others. I might even try making some from scratch. I used the electric egg beaters this time instead of just a spoon so everything got mixed together faster--as you can probably imagine. I think that’s part of the reason it tastes different. Either way I hope I can get rid of that bitter aftertaste.
I’m staying in this room with these huge windows but I can only see through the cracks because the blinds are always drawn. I guess there are made from the same company as at home; language, but they are completely different. You probably didn’t even notice the company. The light of English shines in and I get a peak every now and then, but I need to work harder to open them. They sure are tricky though. Until then, I guess I’ll settle for my little sliver of light. It’s really comfortable and warm, there’s just not a lot of it.
Well I know you aren’t ever really worried or scared, but I am. I think they might before more of a part of you than they are of my anymore. I tried sending them to you, but the packages are too big so they keep coming back. Oh, thanks for sending courage by the way. I received it a few days after I got here and it’s come in really handy.
I know it’s hard for you to picture, you’ve never done anything like this before. You will soon, don’t worry. As usual, I have some advice for you:
Don’t panic, you will be fine
Pack extra pens. You never know when you are going to want to write to me.
Enjoy the water, who knows when you will see it next
Well actually, I guess we both know who knows, that jerk future. I tried writing to see what would happen but I didn’t get a response, again. Although I never get a letter back I have faith that future will be kind to me. I guess I just have to hold tight.
Well Past, you’ve done a really great job. You should be proud. Thanks for everything, you were wonderful.
I miss you.
Love,
Present
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Add Up All the Miles In Between
I am armed with a flashlight and a big bottle of bug spray. My hands are shaking as I write this and although it is well past my bedtime I cannot sleep. Can you figure out what I just did? You probably guessed it. I just killed a spider. And it was not just a little guy. Oh no. It wasn’t like one of the ones you see on the wall and somewhat cringe at and maybe later, if they aren’t bothering you, you give it a name. No, not one like that. Not one that you could even STEP on and kill. This spider was like the tarantula’s cousin. It was FREAKING HUGE. Let’s set the scene here:
Jessica has just taken a refreshing shower and has brushed her teeth. She is tired and clean and ready to go to bed on her new futon. She flosses her teeth (a nightly ritual mind you) and carries the floss into the kitchen to throw it away. As she does this she is singing the Beatles song, “All You Need is Love” when she stops mid-word and gasps. Sitting by the kitchen door about 4 feet away from her is a hockey puck sized spider. It is brown and hairy and huge. Jessica’s heart skips a beat as she quickly slides the kitchen door shut. Aloud, Jessica gasp/groans again and then questions “What should I do?” She thinks she might shut the kitchen doors and leave it in there. Immediately after that dumb thought she reconsiders. What if it gets out? And what happens when it’s not there in the morning? Where will it have gone? The solution is obvious. She has to kill it. Luckily the guy who lived in the apartment before Jessica left her with a can of bug spray that she had just used earlier on a spider nest forming under her doorbell. She grabs the can and slowly opens the kitchen door… Slowly aiming at the spider she sprays hoping that it will squirm right there and die. Not so. It takes off running and hits the kitchen door and then, somehow squeezes through a crack in the sliding door and heads right for the NEW FUTON. Now Jessica does not remember the next serious of events for she has already blocked them out of her memory. She doesn’t think she screamed, she just made a small squeaky noise and she continued spraying the giant beast. Now she sees the poison beginning to take its effects, yet the spider has not given up. It scurries around trying to run under the couch, yet does not make it. Jessica knows she’s got it, and is glad that it is dying right NEXT to where she will be sleeping instead of ON it. Jessica continued to spray the mighty beast on and off for a good ten minutes. Until finally it showed no signs of life.
I have to admit, it put up a darn good fight. It was moving a little like ten minutes later. Now, even as I write this I keep looking over at the body, shining my flashlight on it, making sure it’s not going to suddenly come alive, because you know spiders do that. They trick you to think that they are dead and they curl up in a little ball, and then, when you think you’ve killed them, they spring to life and run away. Too many spiders have gotten away from me that way, so I resorted to using my snow boots in Colorado. Here in Japan that is not possible because first of all I don’t have snow boots since it doesn’t even snow and secondly, even if I wanted to use my boot on the beast it wouldn’t have been a pretty sight at all. I definitely would have had to throw my good boot away. Ehhhhhhhhhh. That was so gross. Just as bad as the splattering cockroach situation if not worse. I guess when you stay up past your bedtime the bugs come out. I just don’t like to think what they are doing while I sleep. I’m sleeping with the spray by my bed, that was disgusting.
Anyway! This is how I was originally going to start my writings this lovely evening:
The thin layer of clouds clung to the deep green mountain top…And then I had a spider incident. So now I have lost my train of thought. It was going to be beautiful. I was going to really get a peaceful mood going for all the lovely readers out there, and create a sense of tranquility as they read about the beautiful mountain mist. Now it’s just disgust as they read about the giant jungle beast spiders. Sorry reader. I am kind of at a loss as to what to do with the body…?
Ok I need to forget about it and go to bed. It’s cool, it’s not like the biggest spider I’ve even seen is lying dead at the foot of my futon. No, not at all.
Let me just get my mind off of it and write a little bit about my endeavors this lovely August weekend. So Friday started out with a rainy ride to school and many hours later, a rainy ride home. I have not yet mastered the skill of riding my wicked witch of the west bike with an umbrella yet, so there were some struggles to be had on the road. When I did get home a nice Japanese lady was waiting for me. Don’t worry I knew her. Sort of.
Funny story, I met her when the internet guy came to my house because he didn’t speak English and she did. We started talking and she told me that she too was an ALT (that’s why I am) and that she knew the other ALT that I knew. Small world. So she invited me to help out with teaching some kids English with the other ALT we both knew and to have dinner afterwards. So of course, being the humble and kind soul that I am I said graciously accepted her request. It might have had something to do with the fact that I have no friends and I had nothing else to do. But probably not.
So she picked me up on Friday and I went to her house where I did indeed play with some young Japanese children as well as help and listen to them read. After that I at ten million cookies and read out twister positions. I almost wish I was teaching kids that young because even though there is a language barrier, the kids don’t care. This one girl was so sweet, and as most kids are here, infatuated with a foreigner. I think it’s mostly my hair. So yeah, it was cute. After they left Jo (the other ALT) and I stayed for a delicious dinner at Aly sensei’s house. Her friends came and it was a grand time. Although I do not speak Japanese, I was able to have translated versions of stories and they are always willing to help me out. So that was good, I continue to grow through experiences like that. As well as spider killing experiences. Doh! I was supposed to forget about it!
The next day was a somewhat rainy one, as the past two had been, but it was a good excuse for me to relax at home for a bit. I did go on a walk and take some pictures, most of which didn’t do the scenery justice. I just can’t get enough of the green all around me. And the clouds on the mountain are just picturesque. After a time my friend Jo came and picked me up and we ventured down the road to her friend’s house where we tried on yukatas and learned how to tie the bows. It’s quite the time consuming ordeal, but once it is all finished it looks nice and feels terrible. I think that it is a good idea to wear them to festivals (which they do) because then they won’t eat a ten course meal like I did. They are true thinkers—just wear a corset and then even if you want, you can’t eat. Brilliant. I learned that they believe that women’s necks are elegant if they are shown but you need to make it tight on your chest so you are not mistaken for a prostitute.
So from there we headed to the Uto festival—my first real festival. It was magnificent! Seriously, I don’t know why these aren’t a weekly ritual for me. Aside from the fact that I would be 300 pounds if I did participate in these grand festivals weekly I would make it a weekly habit. I mean who doesn’t like walking from stand to stand to stand to stand trying every kind of food there is? I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t like that. And if you wouldn’t then you need to get your priorities straight because it’s wondrous.
Here is what I ate:
Hashi Maki (noodles, sweet sauce in a crepe like thing on chopsticks. Sounds weird, tastes bomb)
Mochi (Soft, squishy, balls filled with sweet beans. Again, doesn’t sound that great but they are delicious)
Taiyaki (Pastry like pancake thing shaped as a fish, filled with your choice of custard)
Yakai Tori (Grilled chicken skin)
Hiyahsi Pineapple (cold pineapple chunks)
Kakigori (Shaved ice with condensed milk on top)
Sasebo Burger (I just had a few bites, but it was a burger with bacon, ham, mayo, lettuce and tomato)
Tapioka (Juice with boba balls)
And then bites of French fries and karoage (fried chicken) and other various things.
Everything I had was SO good. Some may not care what I ate, but it was all so good I thought I would devote my precious time to telling my readers about the deliciousness.
So we pretty much ate the whole time. It’s funny how I am so content when I am eating, but the minute I have to start walking looking at things I begin to get restless. Unless of course we are looking at for food. So sad. We saw a lot of sculptures that people built out of recyclables which were really good. Mainly I just people watch. There is something very culturally inspiring about a little girl playing basketball in her yukata in the same way that it is saddening to see a teenage girl smoking in one.
After that we walked around a temple with paintings on scrolls of heaven and some very disturbing ones of hell. Although I had been talking to some friends I never did end up meeting them. I had intentions of coming back the next night but I went shopping with Jo for some much needed items.
After that good old weekend in ol Japan (minus the spider incident of ’08), where the bugs are the size of birds and the people are the size of your dog (well, not really but you get the point), I started another week at school. What does that make me actually, the town giant? Yeah, I guess it does. No argument there.
So Monday was good because I got to go to Oqawa Technical School, the other school I will be teaching at, and meet all of the teachers and check it out. The teacher who picked me up was, of course, very helpful and kind. I was able to see where I will take the train and how far I have to walk when I get there. It’s all relatively close, just not right in town which means I have to wake up earlier than usual. Ugh. Oh well. The school is a technical school so they have a lot of big workshops for specialized engineering, which was cool to see. I think the kids have a low level of English which was mostly expected from me. It might just be a little bit more difficult. Oh yeah, and did I mention that it is an all boys school? That should be fun, especially when I have no idea what anyone is saying.
After that I played badminton for about an hour and had a great time. Who would have thought? I didn’t even think I liked badminton, but it turns out I do! It’s almost as good as tennis. Almost. After our game I went home and showered before Nakayama sensei came to pick me up so we could head to the city for dinner. We met some of the other teachers and ate at a little French-ish bistro. It was a classy little place and although they played “Angel of Mine” by what’s his face 5 times, I really enjoyed it. They brought out a bunch of different courses and at the end, a delicious cake for Hondo sensei since it was her birthday. I was wondering how it was going to go since none of them speak very good English (well, one did) and I speak no Japanese, but it was really good. I learned a lot about their culture and the language and by the end of the night we were laughing and joking around. That’s what it’s all about right?
Plans for the future:
Dinner with ALTs in Matsubase
Ashkita Beach Party!
Swimming?
Practice my speech I have to give to the whole school in Japanese (EEEKK!)
That’s about it actually. Maybe I will try using my rice cooker-- that will surely be interesting. Until I write again I will be on the lookout for anymore prehistoric bugs (or they will be on the lookout for me as it seems) and continue to live life as I know it in Japan.
Jessica has just taken a refreshing shower and has brushed her teeth. She is tired and clean and ready to go to bed on her new futon. She flosses her teeth (a nightly ritual mind you) and carries the floss into the kitchen to throw it away. As she does this she is singing the Beatles song, “All You Need is Love” when she stops mid-word and gasps. Sitting by the kitchen door about 4 feet away from her is a hockey puck sized spider. It is brown and hairy and huge. Jessica’s heart skips a beat as she quickly slides the kitchen door shut. Aloud, Jessica gasp/groans again and then questions “What should I do?” She thinks she might shut the kitchen doors and leave it in there. Immediately after that dumb thought she reconsiders. What if it gets out? And what happens when it’s not there in the morning? Where will it have gone? The solution is obvious. She has to kill it. Luckily the guy who lived in the apartment before Jessica left her with a can of bug spray that she had just used earlier on a spider nest forming under her doorbell. She grabs the can and slowly opens the kitchen door… Slowly aiming at the spider she sprays hoping that it will squirm right there and die. Not so. It takes off running and hits the kitchen door and then, somehow squeezes through a crack in the sliding door and heads right for the NEW FUTON. Now Jessica does not remember the next serious of events for she has already blocked them out of her memory. She doesn’t think she screamed, she just made a small squeaky noise and she continued spraying the giant beast. Now she sees the poison beginning to take its effects, yet the spider has not given up. It scurries around trying to run under the couch, yet does not make it. Jessica knows she’s got it, and is glad that it is dying right NEXT to where she will be sleeping instead of ON it. Jessica continued to spray the mighty beast on and off for a good ten minutes. Until finally it showed no signs of life.
I have to admit, it put up a darn good fight. It was moving a little like ten minutes later. Now, even as I write this I keep looking over at the body, shining my flashlight on it, making sure it’s not going to suddenly come alive, because you know spiders do that. They trick you to think that they are dead and they curl up in a little ball, and then, when you think you’ve killed them, they spring to life and run away. Too many spiders have gotten away from me that way, so I resorted to using my snow boots in Colorado. Here in Japan that is not possible because first of all I don’t have snow boots since it doesn’t even snow and secondly, even if I wanted to use my boot on the beast it wouldn’t have been a pretty sight at all. I definitely would have had to throw my good boot away. Ehhhhhhhhhh. That was so gross. Just as bad as the splattering cockroach situation if not worse. I guess when you stay up past your bedtime the bugs come out. I just don’t like to think what they are doing while I sleep. I’m sleeping with the spray by my bed, that was disgusting.
Anyway! This is how I was originally going to start my writings this lovely evening:
The thin layer of clouds clung to the deep green mountain top…And then I had a spider incident. So now I have lost my train of thought. It was going to be beautiful. I was going to really get a peaceful mood going for all the lovely readers out there, and create a sense of tranquility as they read about the beautiful mountain mist. Now it’s just disgust as they read about the giant jungle beast spiders. Sorry reader. I am kind of at a loss as to what to do with the body…?
Ok I need to forget about it and go to bed. It’s cool, it’s not like the biggest spider I’ve even seen is lying dead at the foot of my futon. No, not at all.
Let me just get my mind off of it and write a little bit about my endeavors this lovely August weekend. So Friday started out with a rainy ride to school and many hours later, a rainy ride home. I have not yet mastered the skill of riding my wicked witch of the west bike with an umbrella yet, so there were some struggles to be had on the road. When I did get home a nice Japanese lady was waiting for me. Don’t worry I knew her. Sort of.
Funny story, I met her when the internet guy came to my house because he didn’t speak English and she did. We started talking and she told me that she too was an ALT (that’s why I am) and that she knew the other ALT that I knew. Small world. So she invited me to help out with teaching some kids English with the other ALT we both knew and to have dinner afterwards. So of course, being the humble and kind soul that I am I said graciously accepted her request. It might have had something to do with the fact that I have no friends and I had nothing else to do. But probably not.
So she picked me up on Friday and I went to her house where I did indeed play with some young Japanese children as well as help and listen to them read. After that I at ten million cookies and read out twister positions. I almost wish I was teaching kids that young because even though there is a language barrier, the kids don’t care. This one girl was so sweet, and as most kids are here, infatuated with a foreigner. I think it’s mostly my hair. So yeah, it was cute. After they left Jo (the other ALT) and I stayed for a delicious dinner at Aly sensei’s house. Her friends came and it was a grand time. Although I do not speak Japanese, I was able to have translated versions of stories and they are always willing to help me out. So that was good, I continue to grow through experiences like that. As well as spider killing experiences. Doh! I was supposed to forget about it!
The next day was a somewhat rainy one, as the past two had been, but it was a good excuse for me to relax at home for a bit. I did go on a walk and take some pictures, most of which didn’t do the scenery justice. I just can’t get enough of the green all around me. And the clouds on the mountain are just picturesque. After a time my friend Jo came and picked me up and we ventured down the road to her friend’s house where we tried on yukatas and learned how to tie the bows. It’s quite the time consuming ordeal, but once it is all finished it looks nice and feels terrible. I think that it is a good idea to wear them to festivals (which they do) because then they won’t eat a ten course meal like I did. They are true thinkers—just wear a corset and then even if you want, you can’t eat. Brilliant. I learned that they believe that women’s necks are elegant if they are shown but you need to make it tight on your chest so you are not mistaken for a prostitute.
So from there we headed to the Uto festival—my first real festival. It was magnificent! Seriously, I don’t know why these aren’t a weekly ritual for me. Aside from the fact that I would be 300 pounds if I did participate in these grand festivals weekly I would make it a weekly habit. I mean who doesn’t like walking from stand to stand to stand to stand trying every kind of food there is? I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t like that. And if you wouldn’t then you need to get your priorities straight because it’s wondrous.
Here is what I ate:
Hashi Maki (noodles, sweet sauce in a crepe like thing on chopsticks. Sounds weird, tastes bomb)
Mochi (Soft, squishy, balls filled with sweet beans. Again, doesn’t sound that great but they are delicious)
Taiyaki (Pastry like pancake thing shaped as a fish, filled with your choice of custard)
Yakai Tori (Grilled chicken skin)
Hiyahsi Pineapple (cold pineapple chunks)
Kakigori (Shaved ice with condensed milk on top)
Sasebo Burger (I just had a few bites, but it was a burger with bacon, ham, mayo, lettuce and tomato)
Tapioka (Juice with boba balls)
And then bites of French fries and karoage (fried chicken) and other various things.
Everything I had was SO good. Some may not care what I ate, but it was all so good I thought I would devote my precious time to telling my readers about the deliciousness.
So we pretty much ate the whole time. It’s funny how I am so content when I am eating, but the minute I have to start walking looking at things I begin to get restless. Unless of course we are looking at for food. So sad. We saw a lot of sculptures that people built out of recyclables which were really good. Mainly I just people watch. There is something very culturally inspiring about a little girl playing basketball in her yukata in the same way that it is saddening to see a teenage girl smoking in one.
After that we walked around a temple with paintings on scrolls of heaven and some very disturbing ones of hell. Although I had been talking to some friends I never did end up meeting them. I had intentions of coming back the next night but I went shopping with Jo for some much needed items.
After that good old weekend in ol Japan (minus the spider incident of ’08), where the bugs are the size of birds and the people are the size of your dog (well, not really but you get the point), I started another week at school. What does that make me actually, the town giant? Yeah, I guess it does. No argument there.
So Monday was good because I got to go to Oqawa Technical School, the other school I will be teaching at, and meet all of the teachers and check it out. The teacher who picked me up was, of course, very helpful and kind. I was able to see where I will take the train and how far I have to walk when I get there. It’s all relatively close, just not right in town which means I have to wake up earlier than usual. Ugh. Oh well. The school is a technical school so they have a lot of big workshops for specialized engineering, which was cool to see. I think the kids have a low level of English which was mostly expected from me. It might just be a little bit more difficult. Oh yeah, and did I mention that it is an all boys school? That should be fun, especially when I have no idea what anyone is saying.
After that I played badminton for about an hour and had a great time. Who would have thought? I didn’t even think I liked badminton, but it turns out I do! It’s almost as good as tennis. Almost. After our game I went home and showered before Nakayama sensei came to pick me up so we could head to the city for dinner. We met some of the other teachers and ate at a little French-ish bistro. It was a classy little place and although they played “Angel of Mine” by what’s his face 5 times, I really enjoyed it. They brought out a bunch of different courses and at the end, a delicious cake for Hondo sensei since it was her birthday. I was wondering how it was going to go since none of them speak very good English (well, one did) and I speak no Japanese, but it was really good. I learned a lot about their culture and the language and by the end of the night we were laughing and joking around. That’s what it’s all about right?
Plans for the future:
Dinner with ALTs in Matsubase
Ashkita Beach Party!
Swimming?
Practice my speech I have to give to the whole school in Japanese (EEEKK!)
That’s about it actually. Maybe I will try using my rice cooker-- that will surely be interesting. Until I write again I will be on the lookout for anymore prehistoric bugs (or they will be on the lookout for me as it seems) and continue to live life as I know it in Japan.
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