Time seems to slide by sneakily these days--it is quick and I rarely notice it until it is too late. Tomorrow is the first day of July and in 28 days I will have been home from the adventure of a lifetime for a year already. It is both upsetting and uplifting, surreal and amazing. Time there was a different beast--it could be my best friend or my worst enemy, but in the end it did nothing but change my life forever. This past year I felt as if I would lay dormant--it was hard to compare with a year in a foreign place where I was constantly learning new things every single day, where I was constantly being tested and challenged. I wanted that again, yet the comforts of the familiar settled in and getting out of that was something of a challenge in itself. I struggled with myself as a person--where I fit in the big scheme of things, where I will end up, how I will make a difference to others, how I will be proud of that difference in myself. Being back in familiar territory was all of the sudden foreign and unknown to me. I wavered and shot up and then down only to shoot back up again not too long later. The culture shock guide explains this will happen so I had braced myself for it for a few months. Not for an entire year. I craved challenge, I craved stimulation, I craved the confusion and unexplainable parts of life, yet everything was making sense. Everything was TOO easy which ironically was making it much more difficult for me to grasp.
I can't say that I have gotten the hang of things yet, nor do I think I will ever, yet I do know that having that knowledge can only make it easier in the long run. I did things that I probably wouldn't have done in the past, I put myself in situations I might have found uncomfortable just so I could welcome back that feeling again. I felt at times I was wasting away. I felt I was not being who I really wanted to be. The point where I have come to is almost to the point of where I want to be to begin my personal journey again. I feel confident in myself once again, knowing that my rightful path will be set out for me once I begin to walk with my head held high knowing that nothing can stop me. This transition has not been easy and my heart breaks to think that I have reverted back to where I was before I left. Then I reach within myself and remember what I have learned and who I have become. I remember what I am grateful for and how my life has been full of wonderful surprises. I must know that there has been so much learned since I have been home and just because it is something I already know doesn't mean I can't look at it with this new set of eyes. I see the same yet I feel differently. Life and the world around you is so much of not how it is looked at physically, but how it is perceived by each person. Now, I know this isn't anything new by any means but it certainly has been making more sense as this mystery of time passes me by. So I can say with confidence that I have not laid dormant this year and that I have learned something new and exciting each day and I have definitely made connections and memories that will last a lifetime. Sometimes, getting caught up in the day to day life can only produce mundane results if you are not able to take a step back and look at the big picture. Just because I am not traveling or meeting someone new at every turn does not mean I am rotting away. I can create this within everyday life. Writing this, I am suddenly saddened that some people--in fact I would say most people go through their lives without ever having realized it. They never step back and look at the small beauties in life and it becomes all too easy to be sucked up within yourself never to escape from the drudgery of your own mind.
I am not saying it is easy to escape this monotonous existence yet it becomes much more do-able once you have realized that you CAN. Once you know that there is no stopping the beautiful journey that is life. Realizing this once again has made me want to take advantage of the little things and try out something new each day if I can. The book club I am in has been extremely helpful in that sense as well as not having a permanent job. I am able to soak up the goodness of each day with full gratitude. Yesterday for instance, I was finished coaching and teaching swim lessons and I just ended up hanging out at the pool with the kids and other coaches. We played around in the water, made up hilarious strokes and laughed as the water cooled our bodies from the relentless summer sun. Later that night I found myself laying under a blanket of stars as I listened to the laughter of the friends I love and I thought to myself something I used to say many years ago before I fully understood its meaning; this is the life. Now I am finally beginning to. This is my one life that I have to live for my happiness, to make a difference, to love, to enjoy, to challenge myself and others, to spread everything that I know and to know each and everyday that this is THE life and I better make the very most of it. There is no better time to start than right now.
