The clear days brings with it a sense of something refreshing yet I cannot breathe clearly without feeling heaviness within me. I glance around the beautiful park as I sit in a small plastic chair slowly chewing the mixture of seaweed, rice and shrimp that I have somehow I learned to love. I smile as I feel my eyes begin to water. A small girl laughs as her dad chases her, two men bow and smile happily, a woman points to a cluster of flowers she likes and nods her head as her husband it picks up. A little boy tugs at his mom's skirt as he finishes his cotton candy. The men at the table next to us laugh loudly as they fill each other's cups with sake and beer. They call out to us in their broken English, asking us where they are from and if we like sushi. I laugh and look at my friend as she finishes her cotton candy and throws the chop sticks in the plastic bag. There is beauty all around me and I cannot hide my happiness. Flowers of all kinds are arranged in crates creating beautiful designs all across the muddy parking lot. The heaviness becomes almost unbearable as I look around this peaceful place and I close my eyes to keep them from watering more. I feel this way because I know I will have to leave it all too soon. It strikes me as mildly ironic on this soft spring day because even though I saw the beauty of this place when I got here, it wasn't until recently I finally realized how much I was truly feeling the beauty this place has to offer. We get up and tell the men we will not go to sushi with them as they call after us. I smile and wave, hoping they won't be bold enough to follow, even though I know they would never. We wander around the hundreds of flowers pointing at the ones that strike us, smiling and greeting the people around us. Children watch us with awe, some even come and say hello in English, shy yet excited. Walking across the park to the edge of the hill I am left breathless by the view. This town that was just a cluster of foreign buildings and narrow streets a mere 7 months ago has finally become something more than that to me; it has become my home. My friend points and in the distance I can see the ocean. I widen my eyes, for I am surprised at how close it truly is. How did I not come to this place before? The heavy feeling returns, I feel the pressure of time breathing down my neck.
We walk down to the park, taking in the beauty of the cherry blossom trees all around us, watching the petals fall like snow to the ground. The grass is covered in them, creating a white veil of petals in a ring around the trees. We find the large slide and I laugh as I watch a little boy make his way down it. He nervously holds on to the side and glaces back at his dad. His dad gives him a big smile, letting the boy know it is ok. He is suddenly unafraid as he loosens his grip for the rest of the ride down. I follow him laughing the whole way because the rollers tickle me and I am obviously the oldest one going down. We walk down to the monkey bars and smile now that we can touch them while standing on the ground. I swing my legs around frantically as my friend takes a silly picture. We have melted into former versions of ourselves, we have gone back in time. I do a handstand in the damp grass, laughing as I fall over all too quickly. It has been much too long. As I lay on my back I am again left breathless because of how unrealistically blue the sky is. I tell my friend it is like someone clicked on the saturation button in a picture program. It just doesn't get this blue in real life. The moon peaks through two green trees, still so white, like a pearl in the bottom of a deep, blue swimming pool. We find a teeter totter, a wooden one at that, the kind they don't make in the States anymore. I am all too quickly sucked into the past and we cannot resist trying it out. The mud at the bottom squishes between my toes and I laugh as my friend pushes up and lets my feet hit with a big splatter. When we finish trying the old teeter totter we wander around, finally taking a seat on the small tables lined up against the pound littered with Lily pads and fallen petals. I take too many pictures, desperately trying the capture the beauty that I feel all around me. I finally put my camera away, knowing it is impossible to do so. Being the hopeless romantic that I am I picture walking hand in hand with someone down the hill lined with cherry blossom trees, listening to the laughter of children as we talk quietly about our own childhood memories at the park.
After my friend and I have had our fill plus some, we walk back down the hill talking of the beautiful wedding we had been to the day before, the waterfall we had gone to in the summer, our first memories of this place and our first memories of each other, our fears of coming so far away, our comforts now, and our concerns about the future. I tell my friend I want to travel, I want to see the world, but I am left with a bitter taste in my mouth after I say it because I am seeing the world I don't want to leave this part of it. Not yet at least. I take a breath and remind myself there is still time. I have four months left in this place I have fallen in love with over and over again, and just because I have to go away does not mean that I won't love it forever. So I will do what I have set out to do and love it just as much if not more. I will love it for everything it is and everything it is not. I will love the people around me because they too have taken a hold of me, and that grip is stronger than any other force. It is something that will not let go and has changed me so I will never be quite same again. As the sun sets on this perfect day I will smile and hold onto what I have and greet another day in Japan with even more bliss than I did the day before because as a passerby once mentioned to me on my travels, "there are no re-runs, this is it", and it suddenly became all too clear--this is my one shot. I better make it good.
