Black and White

TGIF!
Ok, I always thought that was a pretty lame set of letters. Even if the meaning is true, it's kind of embarassing to go around shouting it. So I won't.
Oh, how I am so happy it's Friday. And I didn't even really do any school work this week, so I don't know why I am so relieved (sp?). I'm acting like I'll I've been doing is studying and writing and reading with my head burried in books and papers. When in all reality I studied for my logic test this week. And that's it. I was proud of myself, yet when I woke up the next day I felt a little less sure. And that feeling continued through the next hour until I actually got to logic when I realized that I wasn't ready in the least bit. I tried to calm myself down and relax, but as he started passing out the test I got worried.

So worried I forgot everything.

And that's test anxiety for you. And those are the common symptoms. That I have been struggling with for probably the past 5 years that I can remember. It really sucked, and I got my grade back today which sucked equally as bad. Just like all of the tests I have taken so far this year. If I were to say I had a confidence level of about 7 going into school, thanks to my classes and teachers it's been brought down to about a 1.2. Yeah, that bad. It's one of those things were you figure you should be crying, you should be upset, after all your mother would be very disappointed in you, but you can't force any true emotions out.

And for that I am a little worried. I am slowly coming out of apathy, but it's taken me more than a month, and this week was supposed to be the realization week that my grades are going to shit and I need to get going. I mean, I figured that these bad grades would scare me so I start doing things, but instead I went the completely opposite direction. I have started to care less. I mean I told my friend last night "Shit, I'm so far behind in my classes, there's no use to catching up now," Um no Jessica. That's what he should have said. But he probably doesn't know how truly bad my grades are.

So that's why I am SLOWLY coming out of apathy as I said. Because these tests are starting to worry me. But the one today touched a nerve. And I have a feeling this weekend I will come out of the fog a little. I need to. I desperately need to.

Aside from that depressing news everything else is going well. Everything else that I'm not coming up here for is really good actually. I am feeling much better about swimming and I'm feeling better in the water. Not extremely great, but I think I am finally starting to get into good shape. Or at least decent. And I have never felt better about all my friends. I feel like I have some now, which was something I yearned for at this time last year. It's not like I never had friends, but it was a big shock from senior year.

So today I have swim practice and then the volleyball game... I think and I have swim 200 straight laps tomorrow. I want to die. And then who knows. I have the whole weekend freeeeee! But I need to focus. And study. Yes. That's what I'll do...

Ok practice time. I'll be back.

1, 2, 3 BREAK!

Ok I am I taking a super fast study break. I posted yet more pictures of the game on Saturday, compliments of Ashley. Also I forgot to say the ones before are compliments of Katie. So yeah, I know I am such a mooch. And I studied for a whole 45 min tonight! It's a first! Baby steps, people, baby steps. Ok, well I am going to burn the best CD, Coldplay from the best person, Lauren. Ha. And then back to the books. Whohoo.

Party at Chip's! And there is the man himself.  

Me and Ash on the dance floor. With Lauren in the background. 

At about half time we got pretty bored... 

Evil ram heads! 

A bend in the road

I've been meaning to write in here for sometime. I really have, but then I figured I had nothing different to say...so I decided to keep my mouth shut. But I can't do it any longer! So here I go. Well this weekend was interesting. As was last week. I think I've had some bazare nights and I would like to share my experiences with devoted readers. So here we go.

"DONTS for the weekend
1. Have a little too much fun pregamming
2. Go see burned out John Mayer
3. Yell at your roommate in front of a bunch of people
4. Walk away from the house you are at. In the middle of the night...next to a busy street.
5. Hide in a darkened corner of a back door to a store.
6. Have wreastling matches in the middle of a dance party
7. See the Exorism of Emily Rose...especially when it's raining and foggy.
8. Go to a football game sober
9. Spend all day wondering around the house aimlessley
10. Buy unnecessary items at the store
11. Hit your head on a windowsill.
12. Try to run away from your friends
13. Do flip turns after a big night out
14. Walk far distances with painful shoes
15. Spend all your money on food.

Here are some DO'S for a weekend
1. Go with a friend to get their car washed at the Richie place. Whatever it's called, it's cool.
2. Stay up late talking with your roomies
3. Maybe some homework. Heh, yeah right.
4. Rearrange the house. Amazing how good it feels.
5. Enjoy the TV stand
6. Have dance parties
7. Laugh

Well I had a lot more Donts. I guess I have a lot to learn.
Uhhhh. I didnt do any homework again. What is new. Seriously, I just can't get my shit together. WHERE IS MY MOTIVATIONAL COACH?! I need him to be breathing down my neck. Hah, not like that pervs.

This is year is very interesting so far. A lot of unexpected things are happening. Like who would have thought I would be the most scared at a scary movie? I never get scared. I have been pathetic for the past two days. I don't like sleeping alone anymore. Well, I never did actually. But now it's worse. I need my motivational coach to just stay the night, that way he can even motivate me to sleep...eventually.
There have been more interesting things, but I can't name them all. It would just blow everyone away.
Well, not really.
If it hasn't been noticed I try to entertain myself with my life. It's not usually this weird...I should say. For lack of better words. My vocabulary isn't very extended. Yeah, I know. I'll work on that.

Good news though. It's starting to look like people actually live here. It's getting there extremely slowly but surely. We'll get it eventually. Probably the week we are all moving out. Oh that's the saddest thought of the day. I don't want to ever move out. But that isn't in the near future. So I shant think another thought of it.

Ok, I forgot that I actually have to go to school tomorrow. So I should go to bed. I put up some picts of our swim team hiking trip that was forever ago. But I just got them, so I wanted to share. Also the football game yesterday, CSU won, but we left at half time since we were kinda bored. And that's it. Hurrah for another week of wonderful school.
Night.

The beautiful view from the top of Grey Rock 

Another from the top 

Going to the top of Grey Rock 

The lake  

Another hiking one! 

Ash and I! 

Our bad news move...