Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Abracadabra

I have some goofy writing that I have been doing in class that I would like to post. Read at your own risk....
The first one we were supposed to be answer some questions about a personal essay and I thought that was boring so I did this instead...

When writing a personal essay it is best to figure out personal things about yourself and your memories that will provide beneficial to the overall meaning of the essay. You need to find memories of substance, not the frilly ones that are neither here nor there.
When first sitting down to map out a personal essay it is important to know your topic and know what specific details your topic is about. So let’s first start out as if you were writing an essay about your favorite type of sandwich.
First of all you need to think of your favorite type of bread. Humm, think back to when you were young and all you knew about was white and wheat. Ha, how much more cultured and informed you are now about the different types of bread.
How naive you were back then. Now dream of all the different types of bread you know--hundreds, perhaps thousands of different types! From a club roll to foccacia to sourdough to French. Oh what a delicious dream. Once you have thought of your favorite type of bread move on to your favorite type of cheese. Oh cheese--the flavor of life. It's so hard to decide on which type of cheese you will choose, but the challenge is yours for the conquering. After many hours of pondering the grand world of cheese, you will have finally decided on one (or maybe a few).
Next it is time to move on to (get excited) the meat! so many mouthwatering types of meat. I'm sure as you picture the prime cuts of meat they were floating in the sky with a bright light illuminating the glorious treats we all love (unless you are a vegetarian in which case your life is so desolate and void of the pleasure of meat). Once you have decided on a type of meat you wish to have, or if you are daring enough two, three or maybe even FOUR types of meat, it is time to start with the toppings!

What festive treats toppings have become. It is up the to the sandwich eater if they would like hot, spicy, salty, tangy, creamy, etc. I could list the plethora of tasty toppings but if you are a serious sandwich eater, you know what’s out there. The choices are infinite.

So once you have picked out your beautiful bread, your catastrophic cheese, your mouthwatering meat, and your tasty toppings, there is one other decision you must make:

TOASTED OR NOT?

Generally, if you would rather not have it toasted it is softer, probably easier to eat and to be honest, a little boring.

So if you are looking to spice up your sandwich life, toasted is probably the way to go. Not all the time, but every time you can. Every time you should. Toasted sandwiches have the sweet crunchy, light bread; the warm, melted gooey cheese that just melts the sucklant flavor into your mouth; the heated meat that ignites your taste buds.

So once you’ve finally choose all of your items to make an unbelievably (I’m gonna have to sat it) bomb sandwich, and it has been successfully toasted (if you decided to do so) the next thing you need is to find two things: a comfortable spot to eat it, and a friend to eat it with.

A comfortable spot seems easy, you usually just go sit at the booth or chair where you ordered or made this fantastic treat, but YOU ARE WRONG. That’s much too easy and not near comfortable enough.

Think nice and hard now to your favorite place to go. Think back to your best outdoor activity (we’re assuming it’s a 85 degree summer day out). Do you like to fish? Go sit by a river or stream to eat it. What about your favorite park where you take your dog on walks? There has to be an empty picinic bench for you to enjoy your meal.

Me for example (I was going to try not to bring myself into this, but it is a personal essay, so I can do what I want), I usually spend a lot of my time at the pool, so I would like to get away from the everyday hussle and bussle of the pool deck. So what I would do is drive up to the closest hiking spot, hike to the top of a beautiful mountain, put down my jacket, and sit on the highest rock as I enjoy my delicious sandwich and the gorgeous view.

Now, in order to do these things, I would for sure enjoy some company. I mean it is nice to enjoy a beautiful view in the silence of your own thoughts, but eating sandwiches are always better when you have the company of someone you enjoy spending time with.

Picking out this person would not be an easy task. I have some very close friends, they are all extremely good to me, and I would love it if they could all come. But not today while I eat this sandwich. Not this time, sorry guys. This time I am going to invent someone who WILL be coming with me one day to eat sandwiches after a nice little hike to the top of a glorious mountain.

We’ll just call him Colby. Colby is somewhat faded in his features, I don’t exactly know what he would look like, probably nice white teeth, a little bit longer, shaggier hair (unknown with the color—maybe brown or blonde), he would obviously be well built and tanned to a nice golden brown since he does strenuous work outside all the time. He probably has deep blue eyes, and a gentle smile. And of course tells me everything I want to hear as we eat our sandwiches. We laugh as a light breeze twists through my hair and the flavors of the sandwich explode in my mouth. And we stay there talking until the sun sets and we make sweet love under the brilliant light of the stars.

Ok so it’s a stretch, but this IS a personal essay. I guess that was a little too personal. Just remember to stay on track when you are writing a personal essay. And don’t make it an unorganized mess like I just did.

Anyway that is how you make the best sandwich of all time.

Now this one was supposed to be an informative paper and answering questions on that...

Today I want to talk about the different forms that informative papers can take. Think of different forms that your topic could take. Is there a newsletter that you could put together? Are there types of handouts? What are they?

Well informative papers can take many different directions, and I would like to share them with you today. Some can take the form of an advertisement, believe it or not. I mean think about it, when you are advertising for something aren’t you trying to be informative?! Yes, it may not always be the 100% truth, but at least you are giving away some sort of information, and in today's society that's all that matters darn it. Let me explain something and you tell me if it's informative or not:

I have this vacuum cleaner and it works real well. I use it when I do my chores, and when there are crumbs on the floor or the fuzzies get all jumbled on the carpet.

Now was that informative? NO! Not at all. Let's try this:

I have this vacuum cleaner, it's the sucker vac 5,000 and it's quite the beaut. Not only does it have a shiny red exterior, but it cleans like there's no tomorrow. Its suction rate is about 600 times that of any other vac out there. Put down an entire meal, and POOF! It's freaking gone.

The sucker vac 5,000 is quite the amazing little doubie. What do you always wish a vacuum cleaner could pick up? Think about it…spilled milk? Got it—sucks it right out of the carpet. Dog poop? Got it. Just switch it to scooper mode and it will scoop it with its 200 mega hertz tri jointal gadget arms and throws it straight into the bag. If you buy it within the next day your sucker vac 5,000 will come with a free deodorant bottle and if your vac senses odor, it will spritz some spray after cleaning so your house smells like fresh lilies after a cool summer rain. What a vac! It cleans up mud, crayon, or marker spots and even RED WINE! Had a romantic evening gone awry? Whip out the sucker vac 5,000, clean up your stain and put your night back on track. You will never fail to impress your company with this miraculous innovative advance!

THAT is how I waste my time. It's fucking magical how quickly time disappears. Seriously.
Nothing else too exciting going on here, the picts from below are from Sat night and today after I swam some laps at the pool.

Ok bedtime. Goodnight.

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