Listen to yourself

All too often I am hit with the realization that life is going by way too fast. As I get older it seems to be happening more and more lately and I don't really know what to do about it. I literally feel guilty it's going by so fast because that means I am thoroughly enjoying it. Although no one said I can't enjoy life, there is a big part of me that thinks I should be doing more things that provide an outlet for me on a bigger scale instead of just the ME scale. I think part of it is fear, I think the other part is ignorance, and there might be some more parts that are lazy and sometimes even unmotivated or indifferent. Eventually I want to be a teacher and everything I have been doing since I graduated has been leading me on that path (well, everything I do professionally). I want to coach because I think there is so much I can give and even more I can learn from coaching the sport I am passionate about. So I coached high school and I am coaching year around right now. I want to give all that I am to my friends and learn from them as well. I feel as though I am on the right path there. I want to make a difference. Now this is where I am getting caught up. There is no doubt in my mind I have made a difference to a few people (well, outside of my family) and I think I will continue to do so. But how do I make a difference on a bigger scale than just the people that live in this town? Do I want to even do that or is that a dream that wasn't really mine in the first place, it just seemed like a good idea when I heard of it?

I feel like it is hard in the position most middle class Americans are in because they are trapped within themselves and many of them are ok with it. Many of them are not but don't know what to do about it. Many of them don't even realize they are trapped within the confines of their own comfort zone. That is the worst because if you don't realize that, there is no way you can even begin to think about venturing outside of what you see around you. I think I am in the second group. I feel myself stir sometimes and other times I am content to just stay where I am because I am happy and comfortable. I feel I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone many times before and I was always glad with the result, always happy I did so, but right now I feel like I am not ready to move. It's like when you're really comfy in your bed but your arm fell asleep so you really don't want to move it although you know if you don't you will regret it later. So once you get out of your position and let your arm wake up you are actually really happy you did it although it caused to you move from that position you originally liked so much. But now you are in a position you like even more because your arm feels great. It was just tricky getting into that position. Right now I feel as though I have something great to share with the world, or at least start with the world around me and see where I can go, but at this moment I am just thinking of my strategy of how to do so instead of actually doing it. Sometimes I want a little push and sometimes I don't. Right now I am not really sure what I want at all. Being happy is great, knowing that life is wonderful is in itself wonderful, but feeling as though you are not doing enough is my issue here. Just a tiny missing piece. I am still tired at the end of the day though. Where do I get the energy? Where do I get the time to do all that I should? All that I am supposed to do?

I'm on the brink of something...maybe it's just that nap I really need to take. Maybe it will help me clear my thoughts and help my writing because this is probably the worst writing I have ever done. But sometimes blogs are just that--thoughts that are just put into words so you can hear yourself think. Maybe one day I will be able to hear my questions and answer them right back.